As It Comes….I Will Remain … Schanntel

I’m scared—scared of having to raise two children on my own. Scared that you won’t be there, even though that’s what we planned from the start. It was supposed to be you and me, against the world. But that changed. I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me harder than a hammer striking a nail.

I couldn’t fathom the thought of living without you—chasing dreams without you, reaching goals without you, becoming everything I want to be… without you. I never left you out, even when you didn’t deserve my truth, my unfiltered love, or my thoughts. I still poured everything into us, hoping things would change, hoping we’d get back to where we used to be.

But you hated the love in me, the peace in me. It drove you wild. And no matter how much pain you put me through, I will still smile. I will laugh. I will love. Because you will not be my ending.

You won’t be the reason I stop loving, but you will always be the lesson—that not everyone deserves my love, my kindness, my energy, my truth, my concern… or just me. Just Schanntel.

I cried an ocean, and now it’s becoming a quiet stream of nothing. Once, it was full of memories , some beautiful, some painful—but all pieces of a story I can no longer carry with me. I’m learning to let go of the weight, of the illusions, of the hope that kept me tied to something that no longer served me.

Now, I walk forward—not because I’m healed, but because I refuse to stay broken. For my children. For myself. I owe it to the woman I’m becoming to rise from this, even if my knees still shake.

You were a chapter, not my whole book. And while you may have shaped some pages, you don’t get to write the ending. I do.

So I’ll keep loving. I’ll keep giving. But this time, to people who see me, value me, and hold me gently. This time, I’ll choose me.

And one day, when the pain is nothing more than a distant echo, I’ll look back and thank the storm—for teaching me that I was the anchor all along.